Initial Responses To Difficult Days
NO WARNING SIGNS AHEAD...
They often come unannounced.
No warning.
No time to prepare.
Our normal, everyday world is invaded by an intruder we
didn't seek, don't want to know, and will soon wish we had
never met.
These unwelcome "guests" break into our lives in a variety
of ways. One may choose to enter through the door of our
family physician's office with an unanticipated diagnosis.
Another intruder may trespass our personal space by means
of a phone call about a family member or close friend.
While these "guests" may introduce themselves to us in any
number of ways, what they lead us to is always the same.
They lead us to *difficult times.* Times I have come to
label as...
"The other side of easy."
I'm no expert in dealing with tragedy -- believe me.
I have, however, made some observations about how myself and
others have tried to cope in the early days when tragedy
strikes.
I will list a few of these observations for you below. I
wrote them down within a few weeks after my wife received
a phone from our daughter while we were driving home from a
short trip we had taken for the day. Her call began with:
"Mom, are you driving? If you are, maybe you had better
pull over."
Our own "special guest" had come to pay us a visit.
My observations are...
WE DO WHAT WE NEED TO DO FIRST
*Immediate needs take front row seats in our world.
*Needs of all kinds can -- and should -- dictate what
what we do. People needs receive the highest priority.
"Is everyone okay?"
"What can I do to help?"
"Do you need anything?"
*Schedules are readjusted. Day by day phone calls
may not be made. Trips may need to be planned.
WE LOOK FOR WHATEVER IS GOOD, POSITIVE AND
VALUABLE IN THE WORLD
Tragedy is ugly. People are hurting. Physical and
emotional "staying powers" are stretched to the limits.
But in the midst of it all, it is good to realize that...
*There are good people in the world
*There is "good" in the world
It is helpful to acknowledge and appreciate both: good
people and "the good." My tragedy doesn't negate what is
true. Rather, it seems to be helpful to affirm these truths.
WE EXPECT NOTHING LESS THAN REALITY FROM OURSELVES
We expect the high moments. Moments when we are functioning
pretty well. We are coping.
But then again, we also expect low moments. Moments of
discouragement, perplexity or fear.
And we also expect a wide range of both: high and low
moments in what could be considered rapid succession.
We call this..."dealing with reality." It's okay.
WE MAKE ADJUSTMENTS AS NEEDED AND KEEP GOING FORWARD
Activity is good: the more normal, the better.
I don't expect to produce at my "top level."
However, neither do I presume that I will work at my lowest
possible level.
I need to adjust. To flex. And keep going forward.
I need to do the best I can within the confines of my
physical and emotional state -- but keep doing what needs to
be done on a daily basis.
There is a good measure of truth in the old statement: "Life
must go on."
WE LAUGH
Laughter and good humor -- each has its place during the sad
times we face. They help us gain a sense of balance.
Light moments tend to assist us in dealing with the pain.
And, those lighter moments are "okay."
WE SEE HOPE
Because there are good people in the world, we see hope in
them. They help, pitch in, care, and pray.
Because of our own experiences that we have had to walk
through in life, we can see hope in ourselves and our
ability to deal with bad things that happen to us.
Because of who God is and how He has worked in our lives,
we have hope. Hope in His strength, guidance and goodness.
IF I WERE TO TURN THESE OBSERVATIONS AROUND...
And make them into a set of personal suggestions to help
in the initial moments of difficult times, they would be:
*Do what you need to do first. Do whatever it takes.
*Look for good in people and in the world.
*Have realistic expectations about yourself and
others during those times.
*Make whatever adjustments you need to make and
strive to keep moving forward as much as
possible.
*Allow humor and laughter into your world. It's
okay to laugh.
*Don't lose hope. See hope in others, in yourself
and in God.
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